I’ve never been good with sadness. I thought intellect is more superior than feelings, and that I would only feel whatever I allow myself to feel. But these weeks have tested me and showed me how emotions can hardly be suppressed by mere thought or distraction.
My good friend told me that whenever i feel sad, I should befriend it. Welcome it, and befriend it, because then I’ll know to experience being real, being human. And this is the very reason why I try to write about it. It’s my way of acknowledging its presence, and then hopefully be able to befriend it in the process.
I’ve done a little experiment on my sadness. I watched a movie I was so sure I’ll be crying to (My Sister’s Keeper), and found it interesting to feel a different kind of pain. I wasn’t sure anymore if it were from the movie or my own. And then, the movie ended, left some trails of sadness, until I was left with my own sadness again. Immediately I’m back to my own reality. That’s when I decided, might as well greet it this time.
Hello, sadness. I’m not going to ask you to go away, because you seem to be persistent. But at least give a bit color to my life and inspire me to be creative. Find a little outlet so you can be expressed, not just in crying or in this nonsense blog entry. Be useful, and make way for me to connect to more people, I’m pretty sure I’m not the only person to feel this at this moment. Be a little more creative than just by making me feel every song I hear. And then, be my motivation to be happy again. Because it’s just not… happy.
Right. I might have taken my friend’s advice literally, but it helped a bit. It amused me somehow. And it got me thinking, feeling it is not so bad after all. It’s just a matter of knowing how to go about it — giving way for a bit of function, for some happiness and a lot of room for hope.
What is light without the shadows, right?